I fall in love, easily, with experiences. With people, I am more cautious, but, still, I fall with a forcefulness that can be all consuming. And, I lose my balance. The people, places and projects that I was devoted to before my new love interest (person-place-idea) arrived, have been quietly set aside for the new adventure.
At the moment, I am in full swoon with a man I was not expecting to meet so soon in my life. But, this area of my life wanted balance, demanded balance. A pressing commitment to feel alive, in love with another human being, or nothing at all. And this may be a passing thing, but, for now, this person makes my face smile. He inspires a new kind of hope and dreaming. And, his presence in my life terrorizes my fortress of solitude and invulnerability.
The plans I was making before meeting this beautiful experience, have momentarily disappeared into a mist of joyful exuberance and tearful vulnerability. Yesterday, I was brought to my bewildered knees with an emotion I could only identify as searing, until later that evening, in conversation, I saw it as the moment of a heart breaking open. My heart breaking open. And all the caveats flooding in, because, while I love fast and fierce, there is a tender responsibility that comes with the birth of love.
More caveats: No matter how great the desire to love, I also know my own soul’s drive to protect my autonomy even while creating interdependency. I know my tendency to immerse myself in someone else’s story, whether it is a cause, or an individual, and then my mad dash back to myself the moment I begin to feel unmoored. Which, is now. Now comes the dance of re-integrating my business goals, with my friendships and my new possibilities in love.
And, so, I’m learning again, what it is to be in balance. Someone once taught me that balance is constant movement, although, all we may see on the outside is stillness. In a human body, the agonists and antagonists of the muscular system are in continuous engagement as we sit, stand, walk and run. Nothing is still as the body holds its center. Balance is not an end result, it’s not the destination, it’s a continual process of adjustment of the people, places and projects that are too much and too little in our lives.
In what ways is your heart calling you into balance?